When I ask single people why they think they’re still unattached, I’m bombarded with a “wish list” as thick as the Bible. “He must have a good job, ambition, nice ride, penthouse condo, eight hundred credit score, no kids, blah-blah-blah”. And when I follow up with, “so, you possess all those traits, right”, I’m looked at like I have horns protruding from my forehead.

Really?

Are so arrogant that you can have so many requirements yet you’re lacking in all those areas.

I must admit, I’m guilty of this myself! I recently had to take a long, hard look at myself and revaluate my own expectations.

Let’s face it, most of us have been burned and heartbroken; this is, most likely, the cause of our crass attitudes toward the opposite sex. Not all men are cheating, insensitive bums; don’t prejudge because you still may be a little bitter. (Note to self).

I read somewhere recently, that we usually attract people that are just like us. In other words, if you lack ambition and drive you will, almost certainly, attract those that are unambitious and undriven. OUCH! Clearly, this is not always accurate but it does give you something to think about.

It’s okay, and necessary, to be selective in your choices. Just keep in mind; dating should be fun, so go out having no expectations. Enjoy the conversation, along with a great meal, and let the chips fall where they may.

 Don’t go into it thinking he could possibly be your future hubby and father to your kids; you’re making it too complicated. No man wants to feel as though he has to commit before the end of the night. It takes time to get to know someone, so leave the baggage behind and see what happens.

There is nothing wrong with being single, trust me; I actually prefer it, less stress.

Take the time to get to know you. Find a new hobby. Start a new business. Do something to redirect your thoughts if you find it (single life) hard.

Back to the basics:

No sex talk, it’s far too soon for that. If he brings it up, RUN, he’s only looking for a hook up.

Don’t bring up personal topics (where you work, live, go to church). He could be a stalker.

Keep the convo light-hearted and fun.

Do not show too much skin, you don’t want to come off as, easy.

If he doesn’t show you the upmost respect, move on to the next.

That’s what dating is all about; have fun and take things slow!

Happy Dating!

Reading and I go way back like peanut butter and jelly, so I was excited to learn about the bestselling book, “A Belle in Brooklyn”, by Demetria L Lucas after watching a marathon of Bravo's "Blood Sweat and Heels". I fell in love with the Afro-wearing, slick-talking cast member, so I had to read her first book. It is an advice guide…sort of. Mostly it is her account of past relationships and the lessons they taught her.

It is full of twists and turns, taking you on adventures from the busy streets of New York City, to the party-like atmosphere in the ATL. Demetria was a busy woman trying to build her career and master the dating game simultaneously. As a writer for an urban magazine, she had access to some of the hottest events, meeting celebs from all over. She had her fair share of drunken moments that she would later regret, but that's how we all learn, right? 


I must admit, I was hoping she would speak more about her career as a journalist but it was still a fun read. Her storytelling abilities are riveting; I felt like I was right there!

She had no problem spilling the deets on several sexual encounters, giving us the good, the bad and the ugly. I mean ugly! It was very explicit, borderline pornographic at times. I could have definitely done without those parts. What is this, 50 shades?

This book is far from the life changing, self-help read I usually reach for, but I love her real, raw, tell-it-like-it-is attitude; she reminds me a lot of myself.

My goal here is not to give away too many details so I will stop talking (typing). Be sure a check it out! I give it five stars! Loved it.

Keep up with Demetria on her Blog Abelleinbk.com 

Purchase the book here 


Already read it? What are your thoughts?

Review:

I am a self-proclaimed Deep Conditioner junkie, so when I came across CHI’S Nourish Silk Intense Masque, I was eager to try it out! There were only two left on the self at Marshalls for ONLY ten dollars!

Of course, I had to smell it before I purchased and it smelled amazing. Loves at first…sniff.

This conditioner has awesome slip even though it is defined as a masque. It is thick but not pasty, almost lotion-like. Did I mention it smells AH-MAZING?

I am the Queen of procrastination so washing my hair is a dreaded event that I put off as long as possible. By the time I used this for the first time, my hair was a matted mess; not a problem. My Denmen brush glided easily through my 3c/4a curls. It definitely made my hair softer and more manageable.

I give the CHI Nourish Silk Intense Masque two, virtual, thumbs up!

If you have already tried it, let me know how it worked for you!

Claims: 


For normal to coarse hair
Replenishes dry & damaged hair
Leaves coarse hair feeling silky soft



Ingredients: 

Water , Cetyl Alcohol , Glyceryl Stearate , Cetrimonium Chloride , Behentrimonium Chloride , Glycerin , Olea Europaea (Olive) Fruit Oil , Amodimethicone , Tricedeth-8 , Polyquaternium-37 , Propylene Glycol Dicaprylate/Dicaprate , PPG-1 Trideceth-6 , Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein PG-Propyl Silanetriol , Ethylhexyl Methoxycinnamate , Panthenol , Phenoxyethanol , Methylisothiazolinone , Hydrolyzed Silk , Guar Hydroxypropyltrimonium Chloride , Citric Acid , Fragrance , Benzyl Benzoate , Amyl Cinnamal

The phrase “Team Light Skin” has taken over social media in the more recent months. Selfies have inundated websites such as Instagram and Facebook with the hash tag front-and-center. Apparently being on this distinguished “team” is a privilege; comes with benefits. 

Who needs racism from “the man” when we create it amongst ourselves? This is self-hatred at its best.

This phenomenon is not new by any means. I was born into a family (my Father’s side) of “high yellow” people, some would label them “house Negros”.  My Aunts and Uncles dubbed me The Black Barbie; in other words, I was cute for a dark-skinned baby. This nickname followed me into my teenage years. I never felt like I belonged or was fully accepted by them because of my skin tone. To this day, I have not had the courage to voice how I feel, so it is something I have carried with me all these years. 

Skin bleaching is at an all time high. The option to have lighter skin is irresistible to those who feel they will have a better life or greater opportunities as a result.  Some would blame society for destroying the self-esteems of many beautiful Black Women.

Photo filters are used nowadays to airbrush away unsightly blemishes and leave behind a flawless finish to the skin! Whatever happened to natural beauty and loving the you God created? We really need to take a few steps back and re-evaluate what is most important in our lives. If we do not love ourselves, we are no good to those around us. Having lighter skin will not all-of-a-sudden create the perfect life; nothing will. 

 
Maybe if we were not so judgmental, women, (and men alike), would be more accepting of themselves, flaws and all.  

In recent years there have been droves of African American females “Going Natural”. Those looking from the outside in call this fad but how can something that is natural be a fad? Many of us were just tired of the bi-monthly ritual of “perming” our hair.

I returned to natural February of 2009. It was something I desired to do for years; however, I had no idea how to do it. My mom always told me I would need to shave my head to do so, clearly that was out of the question!

November of 2008 I stumbled upon a video on YouTube of Saleemah Cartwright doing her“BIG CHOP”, it was then that I had my “ahh ha” moment. “I can do this”, I said.

My hair was severely damaged from the constant dying, relaxing, and heat styling. It was limp and lifeless. I had about three inches of split ends alone! All I could do was put it in a bun because it would not retain a curl and the tattered ends prevented me from achieving a sleek straight style.

I discussed the idea with my boyfriend (at the time); he had reservations but I was firm on my decision.

My plan was to transition for a year but maintaining the two textures proved to be a challenge so I BC’ed after only three months. It was the best decision I had ever made; I was in love with my two inch curls!

I have never had any regrets; however, the learning curve has been a BIG one! I received my first relaxer when I was three; so had no clue how to care for my hair. Over the years I have tried a plethora of products, from high end to low end trying to tame my curls. I have had some setbacks, including breakage, dryness and split ends; some of which I still deal with. I have yet to find my “holy grail” products but it is fun trying out news things.

Oftentimes the whole “natural” vs “relaxed” debate will arise but I try not to get involved. I will say this; healthy hair is all that matters at the end of the day. It is about personal preference so there is no reason to bash others because of their choice. Natural hair is NOT a fad and is here to STAY!

What is your take on this topic? Are you natural or thinking of doing it yourself? LET’S TALK ABOUT IT!

When we walk down the aisle, we think its ‘till death do us part. We have found our soul mate and are blissfully in love. We daydream about growing old together and building a family. But for some of us, there will come a time when our love will be tested. Someone from the outside will attempt to breach the circle and break the bond you share. The person you vowed to love forever will betray you by sharing intimate moments with another…

 “RHOA” (Real Housewives of Atlanta) broadcasts the storyline of Phaedra, Apollo and Kenya who were in an apparent love triangle. Kenya and Apollo, however, deny the allegations of an affair.

There is a clear attraction between the two. Apollo claims Kenya has made advances but Kenya has always claimed that was not true. It was stated in a previous episode that Kenya showed up at a hotel that Apollo was a guest to ‘hang” with him.

I guess a good question would be, “can you trust your female friends enough to be around your husband?” Phaedra, understandably, is suspicious of Kenya and Apollo’s relationship. She is standing by her man but her eyes are open.

Although this plays out on Reality TV, this happens every day in real life. Marriages are not respected and are often lines are crossed.

Can trust be restored once it’s broken? It’s a devastating feeling to suspect your husband of cheating but what do you do when the thought arises? Do you look through his phone, check the mileage on his car, and check credit card statements? How far will you go to know the truth?