When I ask single people why they think they’re still unattached, I’m bombarded with a “wish list” as thick as the Bible. “He must have a good job, ambition, nice ride, penthouse condo, eight hundred credit score, no kids, blah-blah-blah”. And when I follow up with, “so, you possess all those traits, right”, I’m looked at like I have horns protruding from my forehead.
Really? Are so arrogant that you can have so many requirements yet you’re lacking in all those areas. I must admit, I’m guilty of this myself! I recently had to take a long, hard look at myself and revaluate my own expectations. Let’s face it, most of us have been burned and heartbroken; this is, most likely, the cause of our crass attitudes toward the opposite sex. Not all men are cheating, insensitive bums; don’t prejudge because you still may be a little bitter. (Note to self). I read somewhere recently, that we usually attract people that are just like us. In other words, if you lack ambition and drive you will, almost certainly, attract those that are unambitious and undriven. OUCH! Clearly, this is not always accurate but it does give you something to think about. It’s okay, and necessary, to be selective in your choices. Just keep in mind; dating should be fun, so go out having no expectations. Enjoy the conversation, along with a great meal, and let the chips fall where they may. Don’t go into it thinking he could possibly be your future hubby and father to your kids; you’re making it too complicated. No man wants to feel as though he has to commit before the end of the night. It takes time to get to know someone, so leave the baggage behind and see what happens. There is nothing wrong with being single, trust me; I actually prefer it, less stress. Take the time to get to know you. Find a new hobby. Start a new business. Do something to redirect your thoughts if you find it (single life) hard. Back to the basics: No sex talk, it’s far too soon for that. If he brings it up, RUN, he’s only looking for a hook up. Don’t bring up personal topics (where you work, live, go to church). He could be a stalker. Keep the convo light-hearted and fun. Do not show too much skin, you don’t want to come off as, easy. If he doesn’t show you the upmost respect, move on to the next. That’s what dating is all about; have fun and take things slow! Happy Dating! Reading and I go way back like peanut butter and jelly, so I was excited to learn about the bestselling book, “A Belle in Brooklyn”, by Demetria L Lucas after watching a marathon of Bravo's "Blood Sweat and Heels". I fell in love with the Afro-wearing, slick-talking cast member, so I had to read her first book. It is an advice guide…sort of. Mostly it is her account of past relationships and the lessons they taught her.
It is full of twists and turns, taking you on adventures from the busy streets of New York City, to the party-like atmosphere in the ATL. Demetria was a busy woman trying to build her career and master the dating game simultaneously. As a writer for an urban magazine, she had access to some of the hottest events, meeting celebs from all over. She had her fair share of drunken moments that she would later regret, but that's how we all learn, right? I must admit, I was hoping she would speak more about her career as a journalist but it was still a fun read. Her storytelling abilities are riveting; I felt like I was right there! She had no problem spilling the deets on several sexual encounters, giving us the good, the bad and the ugly. I mean ugly! It was very explicit, borderline pornographic at times. I could have definitely done without those parts. What is this, 50 shades? This book is far from the life changing, self-help read I usually reach for, but I love her real, raw, tell-it-like-it-is attitude; she reminds me a lot of myself. My goal here is not to give away too many details so I will stop talking (typing). Be sure a check it out! I give it five stars! Loved it. Keep up with Demetria on her Blog Abelleinbk.com Purchase the book here Already read it? What are your thoughts? |